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The view from a host family
Knowing what your host family will expect can really help with anxiety involved in becoming an exchange student. This section deals with our side of the exchange! First, a little about me. My husband and I have hosted 12 full time and one temporary student. We’ve used three different organizations during this time. Our kids come from Sweden, Germany, Finland, Denmark, Brazil and Switzerland.
Why do we host?
There are a variety of reasons people choose to host exchange students – they want additions to their families, they wish to experience a new culture, they wish to learn more about their own background (especially true for Americans), they just want something new. Host families also come in many different “varieties”. They are single moms and dads (some with kids, some without), they are traditional mom and dad and kid(s), or they are just the mom and dad whose kids are gone, or who never had kids at all. A few families are wealthy, the majority are just plain middle class. But, regardless of the reason, the economic level or the make up host families all have one thing in common – the desire to open up their hearts and homes to you!
“Meeting” your family
Meeting your family begins well before you actually arrive in your new home! It starts with your application. Host families select you from the information you give. The letter you write is even more important. Your family will pour over it, looking for every scrap of information. So, it’s really important to tell the truth and to present yourself as accurately as possible. If you try to present yourself as someone you are not, when you don’t live up to that your family will be disappointed and you will not be off to a good start.
Meeting your family continues after your selection. Your organization will notify you when you have a family. What a fun day and what a relief! Some students wait a long time! But now, there’s a family out there waiting for you. What to do? Get acquainted! You have the Internet, e-mail, phones, chatting! Use them to learn about your new family and to tell them about you! Send them pictures. Tell them about your school. Hate broccoli? Love cats? Tell them that too!
Finally, the big day is almost here. But wait, what to take! Your organization says you need hostess gifts, but you’re clueless! Here are some ideas! For mom and dad: picture book from your country, cookbook, your flag, chocolate (always works!). For teens: T-shirts, CD of popular music. Younger kids: Monopoly from your country or another game. Also take a handful of smaller trinket type items for new friends – key chains, cards, magnets, etc.
The first few weeks
This is when you are getting settled in ... do you know the house rules yet? Are you aware what will irritate your new parents? Are you helping out? In other words, are you a guest or a member of the family? If you are doing the dishes (or other chores), picking up after yourself and fitting in, you’re a member of the family!
But wait ... what are you calling your host parents? Mom and Dad? First names? It doesn’t really matter, but it is important that you call them SOMETHING! There are no “hey yous” in our house and there shouldn’t be in yours either!
The Long Haul
Wow, the excitement’s over. You’ve been in your home for a few months and things aren’t really too exciting now. You have school, you have rules. You live in a small town with little to do. You’re bored! Well, so are your family and friends, so get off it and get busy! By now you should be inviting other people to do things. If your host family is comfortable with it, have kids over to your house! Like any other relationship, you have to work at the one with your host family, so now may be the time to cook them that Danish dinner or Swedish snack! Do you have a holiday from your country coming up? Share!
Transportation
Exchange students can’t drive – that’s a big problem, especially in the United States where there tends to be little public transportation. You’re dependent upon family and friends to get places. Your family KNOWS this and expects to drive you around. But, you still need to be considerate of their time and gas money. (As for your friends, you should be offering gas money – often!)
Computers/Cell Phone These can be some of the biggest sore points between a host family and student. The computer allows you to have very easy access to your family and friends at home – but you’re not home! You need to be living where you are! So, please try and refrain from constant communication back home. When you have problems, talk to your host family – that’s why they are there! When you have something to share, good or bad, share with them! That’s why they host!
Leaving Leaving is hard! You may find yourself getting angry for no reason, snapping at your host mom or sister for example. Well, there is a reason. Anger is an easier emotion to express than sadness. You need to plan to leave just as you planned to come! And part of that is planning on how to say good-bye to your host family. It will be harder than you think. Make sure that you leave plenty of time for them, especially on your last night. Make sure they know you’ve appreciated what they’ve done for you this past year – one of the best things you can do is write a letter!
Comments
Word to the wise:
Not all host families host to have the “experience” of a new person in their family. Some families host to improve their second language (a language you might speak) or because they have to for the exchange program (in some countries it is required that you host a student if you send a student).
So, be careful. Don’t always expect your host family to want you to be their son/daughter. You might not be able to cuddle with them or tell them your problems. So go on your exchange expecting nothing and hoping for nothing and you will have no disappointments. Go in with an objective attitude and if your family wishes to include you and treat you like their child, then go with it! But sometimes this doesn’t happen.
Just be aware of how many different people are attracted to the “idea” of foreigners, and how many are actually prepared for it. Be careful, be strong, and life will be easy and fun for you!
Go out a lot if your host family doesn’t include you! Make friends at school or join a club! Read a book!
Most of all, enjoy yourself, with or without a host family.
What do i do to actually become one do i fiil in a form do i search the internet and do i have to ask my school for persiomm ?
Go to http://www.rotary.org/en/StudentsAndYouth/YouthPrograms/RotaryYouthExchange/Pages/ridefault.aspx
Contact your local (or nearest) Rotary club and talk to your school.
It is the best program and very cheap. I love it so much. I am very lucky to be involved with the support group and kind people or Rotary.
Also, please be aware that if you have host siblings (especially sisters)who are younger (like 10-15) they will probably want to spend all their time with you, especially those who don’t have any siblings or are the oldest. Remember to be open to their excitement in having a new member of the family, and welcome them into you room, do activities with them etc etc. For the most part all they want to do is be your friend, and when you lock them out and spend all your time talking to friends in your home country they feel that they are unimportant and you don’t care about them, their family or their country.
leave doors open unless you need privacy, at least in the US this seems to be a big deal between ‘i want to be here’ (door open) and ‘i can’t wait to go leave me alone’ (door closed). Remember cultural differences cause people to read into things that you may not mean, so be careful and treat misunderstandings with a calm mind and be willing to change some habits, remember, your host family basically altered their lifestyle to accomodate you 
Hey guys do i need parent permission to go on a program for 10 months when im 16 or do they have to sign stuff for me cause they are not supporting me in any way?
hi,ill be 13 in summer and really want to go to the u.s i live in the uk and i was wondering is thier any programs for kids my age?
(This is long)
This is the fourth year my family has hosted foreign exchange students. Every year has been average – average plus except this year. While searching the internet I see all these stories of foreign exchange students getting mistreated etc. Well what about the host families? What about the people that give up their home and time for these kids and never ever hear a thanks?
My mom has recently undergone a high level of stress due to financial problems. Yet these kids, they don’t care about anyone but themselves. We started out with five, two of them were removed because of their attitudes, and we have three left. Bulgaria, Ghana, and Ivory Coast. Fortunately the year is almost over. We have treated them with the utmost respect but everyone in the family is getting incredibly weary. Brother, Sister, Mother, and Stepfather (and me). I even wrote a poem because my frustration is through the roof. *(I understand that foreign exchange students are supposed to be making the most of their year, but host families are also supposed to benefit from the high-schoolers they are placed with. The kids should be telling us about their culture or ATLEAST talking to us.)
I feel nothing as they open up our food to eat their second and third dinner.
I feel nothing when they lie to us and scoff at our feelings.
I feel nothing when they ignore us while we ask them about their day.
I feel nothing as they act like their free room, board, transportation is just provided for them yet they have never said thank you.
I feel nothing as they stay up til the next morning on our computers talking to friends while we try to sleep.
I feel nothing as they go places and never invite us to join them.
I feel nothing as they get mad that we aren’t the “perfect host family”.
I feel nothing when they complain that they can’t do chores because they feel that my siblings and I don’t do enough.
I feel nothing as they scare my abused and hurt dog.
I feel nothing when they leave and never come back.
That is so incredibly unfortunate that you have had students who treated you in that way! I apologize if exchange students have offended you. But, please remember, we are not all the same.
I don’t want to argue, and you can disregard my rebuttal, but I would like to point out that many students are attempting to speak a foreign language, learn a new culture, leave their family, and go to school simultaneously. It stresses both the student and the family, and personality differences often cause the most basic problems, even beyond strifes that you’ve experienced such as “second and third [dinners]” and “[complaining] that they can’t do chores.”
I can not speak for every exchange student, but I know that I put in an incredible effort with each of my host families to learn about them, eat with them, and do chores with them. I rejoiced in the new culture and hoped to learn more and more, but my host families mistreated me by ignoring my presence, smoking in my room (despite my allergy to tobacco), and forcing me to teach English to their children (which is illegal—I traveled with a student visa, not an employment visa).
These are just a few examples of the disrespect toward exchange students that occurs every year.
I just hope that you understand this: Don’t dismiss your exchange students immediately. If they are shy, ask how they are! If they are eating a fourth dinner, find out if they are accustomed to eating more at home! Or even if they are depressed, and miss their friends. (Overeating should be a sign to you that students are not happy.) You can even ask where they are going with their friends—and if you can go along!
Before I left for exchange, we hosted a Turkish exchange student; after that a Japanese girl lived with my family. The Turkish boy was shy for a long time, but he eventually opened up to us—and told us all about his life. The Japanese girl, despite our efforts to travel with her and include her, ignored our familial attempts at a relationship. In other words, I know where you are coming from, and I understand your perspective.
And while writing poems is always a great way to cope with the problems you can face with an exchange student, have you tried talking to them?
hi,well im sorry about that,but i dont think that everyone is like that i mean i would love to be a foriegn exchnage student and im nothing like that;(i hope that you’d give them a second chance?
Of course I know that all foreign exchange students are not like that! We have had three years of wonderful compassionate kids! Kids that like to get involved with the family. This year is different. The students just ignore us. We try to get them involved but they just talk to eachother and ignore us. It’s incredibly difficult to understand how and why they won’t talk to us. I just think they are all a little too immature to do something as big as a foreign exchange student year.
I also feel that two of the them are using us and never really had any intention of getting involved. One has a sister that lives near here, and she visits her on the weekends and then she plans to go to college next year. Which is fine and everything if she talked to us instead of just the other two students.
The other one is also going to college next year. And she talks about us at her school and we get reports from the teachers of things she would say about us. My mother is really hurt and she just isn’t one for confrontation.
Anyways, I know there are many many wonderful foreign exchange students. I also know that we are trying incredibly hard to get along with these kids, but they aren’t trying back.
umm i am 13 years old and i turn 14 in august so Im in 8th grade right now but when i am in 10th grade i want to go to germany but is it akward at first for the host families to meet someone from a different country? Like i am kind of scared because like i dont know the people and they dont know me and for me well I’m kind of shy. I hope that nobody gets treated the way your family did Host Sister because thats sad and hey could u give me pointers when being in Germany far away from my family in Wisconsin? Like does it cost alot of money and what has ur family gotten from exchange students like presents? Thanks and ur family sounds very nice and i hope that if i do go to germany in 10th grade that I have a family as nice as your’s sounds. bye
Shanna, I sound like a horrible host sister all whiny and stuff haha. But I think the most important part of being on an exchange year OR being a host family is to treat your family the way that you would want to be treated.
As for presents, you should get something that is totally important to your country. Like candy that is only made there, or a book of pictures. Or even pins from different places in your country. Of course you don’t have to get anything, but it’s a nice little thought.
Most important is to try to be as loving and including as you would your own family.
Finally: try to learn to speak as much German as you can before you leave…
Good luck and best wishes!
Ps: you would have to go with an exchange program, yes it will cost money, but you may be able to get a scholarship and go for almost free (your parents would still need to keep shipping over money for you to get basic things like school supplies. Your host parents will probably pay for food and neccesseties but they should not have to pay for anything else.)
Hi we are from Spain and our son who is 10 would like to go to England for some weeks in summer. Any recommendations?
Dear parent,
we are a non-profit parent-teacher association and can help you to find a place in a host family for children between 8 and 16, or even a place for English in a Teachers Home, in England or Ireland.
I really wonder how will I call my host parents? How do you call? And also how close you are to your host families? can you tell them everything?
We have hosted two year-long students, and oh, what wonderful experiences they’ve been! Both girls are from Germany. Our first still comes to visit us each summer since her exchange 4 years ago, and our second just left earlier this week. I’m still heartbroken over her leaving, but since we were exceptionally close, I know that it will be a lifelong relationship. I don’t know how on earth we were so blessed to have two such wonderful, amazing girls, but for us, the experience has rated 10 out of 10. We’re taking some time off from hosting… I don’t know that I can bond to someone new while I’m still grieving over our last student leaving, but we will probably do it again in the future.
Michelle you are making my day! I was getting so aorried that my host family wouldn’t like me or we would hate each other or something from all the stories i’ve see but I’m very happy you had a great time and I hope I will too!
My family is currently hosting a student from Viet Nam. We were so excited when she arrived here 9 months ago! And it is truly funny when you see the steps of emotions you might go through for they are all so true! The beginning was bliss, then as she got comfortable, she showed her true colors. Now I am not complaining. HAHA! As a mom of two younger children 7 & 6, having a teenager in the house was truly an interesting experience and a learning one on my part. She was just a normal teenager. Now this did take me a few to realize this, as I was pulling my hair out. Luckily her mom and I were able to talk to eachother through emails and have a great relationship. Our student would call me Mom Stephanie. Even her mom thought it a wonderful idea. And to me she is my daughter. Yes there were times where you could tell that her birth moms values and mine were very much different. And that does make it difficult. And try as I could some things just would never sink it. HAHA! So now we are at the end of her time with us, she goes home in two days. My children, husband and I are all very sad. As is she. She hopes to return to a nearby city to go to college next year and will spend holidays and the summer with us most likely next year! We are very excited! her mom is planning a trip to come see us in a year as well! It has truly been a wonderful experience for all. She gained many wonderful new friends and made many new memories including being named Senior Prom Queen!
We really need a good experience as last year we tried to host a student from China who truly had no desire to be a part of our family. Within two weeks she has made us all miserable. Demanding special cooked meals daily. Or at least the expensive ingredients so she could fix them She refused to even try our American foods. She would spend time on my phone and on the internet with her family at all hours of the day and night, complaining to her family and the company about how we were not able to care for her properly.(because I would not spend money for all those special groceries, would not go and buy her a bunch of things she said she needed, such as a mp3 player and cell phone) We were devistated. Then we find out she had an aunt in the US and she was trying to get placed with a host family closer to us and that we were just a way to get to the US. Since we pick the student not them us. So she got here and started complaining until the company placed here with a friend of her aunts. She should have been sent back to China. My kids were in tears, they called her sister from day one, and she kept them locked out of her room, only coming out to eat or take a 1 hour shower. I had her removed from our home at 3 weeks and she stayed with our local rep until placed with a new family. She was truly a horrible young lady. and her parents and aunt called me to tell me I was failing to provide for her and maybe i should consider not hosting again as we were obviously financially unable to. What the heck! We had plenty of money, but I reufse to spoil a child with stuff they want not need. And she was supposed to be here to experience America. Not eat her home food and live in her bedroom. She even told stories at the high school and had them thinking poorly of us. Luckily we got a second chance and have shown them we are not horrible people.
So we have had a good and a bad experience. I shudder at the bad and I cherish the good. We are waiting a year before we host again. But plan on hosting again. However no seniors again. HAHA! They do require a lot of work. And while it is not required of us as a host family I can not say no to getting them to special tests nor to all teh special senior activities. But I am plum wore out now. HAHA!
Stephanie I feel for you with the spoiled brat you had. I deffinately won’t be like that when I go. I am very grateful to the family for opening up their home and life for me and would never want to hurt them like that. But at least you had a wonderful experience with the other girl!
I’m from Vietnam and I’ll come to USA to study in August but I don’t have my host family till now. I’m so anxious and disappointed. Somebody helps me, pleased !
i am male married with a lovely daughter and also expecting a boy(baby) in the next two months, i live in a 4 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom. house very clean, and additional 2bedroom out house all on a land compound, i am in west africa Ghana, city of Accra - Achimota nice location, i will like to play host-family to exchange student world, you can reach me on my e-mail address, thanks
Hello I am a 19 year old girl from Estonia and I would be so happy if someone took me to their family for a year or less. And if there is anything, anything at all to ask feel free to write to me
Holm, do you want to visit Africa? then you have no problem my family can host you, feel free to email me,
francis_dzata@yahoo.com
We had an exchange student from Turkey with us, and she left some items to include her ipod. How can I send it back to her without it being expensive? The fedex site says you can’t ship cell phones and mobile devices into Turkey as they are prohibited. She attends a University there now, can I send it to the school without trouble?
We recently hosted an exchange student for 2 months. In this time we took her with us to resorts, an out of state trip, drove her everywhere she wanted… bought the food she seemed to like… introduced her to girls her age… basically tried everything we could think of to try to make her fell welcome and happy. We made sure she had rides volleyball, and other activities. We also had horses which she had claimed to like, but never went outside to see them. Anyways she was pretty quiet and never said thank you for one thing. So one night out of the blue when we were getting ready for hot fudge sundaes and a board game she says she needs to tell us something. And then proceeds to tell us that she hates us, yes she did use the word hate, and wants to go to another family. We asked what made her feel this way and she would not say. So we asked what she was hoping to get from a new host family that she was not getting. She just said that a new host family would work and be better because we would not be there… She then said that we annoy her and she cannot stand to look at us. Needless to say, we told her it had only been 2 months and maybe she was just going through hard time… but she said she had her mind made up and she knew how she felt and this year was supposed to be all about her and for her and this is what she wanted… So the next day we called the program representative and told her that she had to leave our house that day… We had been nothing but nice to the student and she for some reason was very ungrateful and did not obviously like us one bit… When we came home she had put all the things we had bought her in a pile and some in the trash!!! I cannot for the life of me figure out why this girl was so cruel.
Host Parent: Maybe we should start a support group for this. I didn’t just open my home for 2 1/2 months I open my heart, I really care about my student even tho she left me. Not sure what happen but a misunderstanding turned into a mess and when we have the representative over we sorted everything out. After the representative left and we talk and had so much fun laughing and talking about everything we were going to do. I was so sure she was staying and the next morning the rep came and took her to the host family that her friend was at. Really nice home with a pool. She did want to go there not sure if that is what is was all about? But I still care about her and I’ve sent little messages to see how she doing. I miss her and feel really bad that it ended. I’m still going to host again. I have hosted before for the summer and had a wonderful experience. I know its hard to wounder why she wasn’t happy with you and I feel the same way but time does heal all wounds. Dont wounder if you did anything wrong because you didn’t I wounder the same but I know I didn’t do anything wrong. And just remember you are a wonderful person to open your home to an exchange student.
Thank you for sharing your experience. We are actually from AZ too. And yes there is little support for the host families, here at least… Our student, we found out, will be staying with our coordinator the remainder of her exchange year. Our student insisted that since she arrived she was intentionally trying to be rude because she did not want it to work, so we assume that we did not do anything really wrong. We still are very hurt by everything, but yes it is getting better. We are not sure exactly why she decided what she did. We think that she may have misrepresented herself in her profile, as she claimed to be an animal and horse lover and hadn’t really been around them, and did not seem interested… but yes you do wonder what made her hate everything so much. Thanks again and good luck.
I am an American student hoping to study in Germany. Any suggestions?
im a zimbabwean student and i want to study in america next year but i dont how to get there and also a place to live.
Hi!
I’m looking for someone who wants to come to the Basque country(spain) for a month in summer holidays and then I go there for a month also.
If you are interested write me.
my mail is haizeatxu_93_5@hotmail.com
We are currently hosting a 17year old girl from Thailand. This is our first, and if I have my way, our last, experience as a host family. We are 4 months in and I am counting the days until she goes home. She is not rude. BUt she is VERY passive. She takes no initiative, and I’ve already tried and offerred everything I know to try and offer. She has said “yes” to a couple of activities, piano lessons and dance class (which my own daughters do), but turns her nose up at church activities. Understandable, she is Buddhist, but we are a clergy family and church is very central to us. For her not to participate cuts her out of about 60% of our family activities. She also NEVER offers to pay her own way. I made it clear when she signed up that she needed to pay for the dance classes and piano lessons herself. And she pays for any clothes she buys. At first, she would come with me to the grocery store and buy some foods for herself (which we never shared in), but she hasn’t done that in a couple of months.
Our family is not wealthy, and entertainment dollars are scarce. Movies are a rarity. We don’t travel much, especially durint the school year. The one thing we enjoy doing is going out to lunch on Sundays. Problem is, after 16 Sundays, our student has never once offerred to pay for herself. It is getting expensive! ANd at this point, we are having to not go because of the extra cost. Which my children and I resent. She also goes to an expensive private school (her expense), while my children go to the public school 2 blocks away. As a result, I have to drive her to and from every day while my own children walk. She spends most of her time in her room with the door closed, and she comes out to eat. She keeps herself on time, but she doesn’t initiate any activities.
Sorry for the length. I am really needing to vent. Feel like I have ZERO support.
I would not choose to host again.
hi jane,
remember that you are talking about a 17 year old girl who is away from her family, friends, and culture. she is probably going trough a very tough time. she might have known what she was signing up for when she decided to be an exchange student but actually going trough that experience is very different. and you seeing her as a step child doesn’t help her at all.
i don’t know the program she is here with but most programs say that the family has to pay for food, whether it is at a restaurant or at home. this applies to snacks too, she might have bought some stuff for herself but that doesn’t mean she has to do that every single time, again everything she eats is supposed to be paid by the family. the fact that you count every single time she went out with you and didn’t pay is actually amazing.
i doubt that she was enrolled at that school after she came here, didn’t you know you would have to drive her? why did that become a problem now?
remember that exchange students are not psychics. she cant magically know what you are thinking, try to talk to her about your problems.
right know she has a family who forced her to take dance and piano lessons and didn’t even offer to pay for them. they don’t take her anywhere, they resent her for not paying for her food or not going to church with them and she probably doesn’t have anyone to share her problems with.
and don’t forget that this is a website open to everyone, i found this and she might as well stumble upon it too. since you explained everything so detailed if she did see this she would probably know who you are talking about. and that you hate her.
My wife and I are currently hosting a exchange student from Sweden. We are unable to have children naturally and are considering foster care. We thought this would be a good (experiment) as far as having a young person living in our house. She is 17 and comes from a well to do family back home. We fell in love with her as soon as we got her profile. We redocarated the guest room and planned a assortment of trips from Disnet World,to New Orleans and Dallas etc. (we live in Louisiana). At first all was fantastic, she got along well with my nieces and nephews who she would be going to the local high school with. She loved american high school,football games and all the social aspects she didnt have in school back home. She is a pretty girl and made alot of friends very quickly. She would sit down with us at night, eat supper, watch the news and we would chat for hours about politics,music and stuff. Her and I had alot in common, she was very ‘worldly” and liberal coming from sweden. Me being a new waver/artist child of the 80’s we clicked right away. My wife however is from a conservative,country family and eventhough she loved her they simply didnt have much in common. I got called unexpectedly to work out of town (I work in the film industry) and I had to move to New Orleans for 4 months. I came home at least every other weekend and when I did Camilla would always stay in with us and we would have “family night” which meant anything from watching movies to playing board games. My wife would tell me she felt “weird” sometimes because they wold s often watch tv at night and say very little to nothing at all to each other. I encouraged her to be more interactive and chat her up about anything. I wasnt too worried figuring I would be home soon and be the entertainment for the house. The trip to Disney came, and it fell on the week of Thanksgiving. We asked her if she wanted to stay home and have a traditional american thanksgiving or go to Disney..it was ok with us either way since thanksgiving wasnt a big deal in our house. She replied that it didbnt make a difference to her (her answer to nearly everything) and we should do what we wanna do. I thought the trip was alot of fun, we took alot of pictures and and spent three long days touring the parks (very expencesive but I was glad to do it). They went back home, my wife had a two day conference and Camilla asked if she could just stay home rather than a friend. I didnt see a problem with it since she has been zero dicipline trouble. I was planning a huge christmass dinner with my wife that night over the phone and we got a call from the exchange agent..Camilla was unhappy, and wanted to “meet” with us before deciding to leave or not. I was devestated as was my wife. I knew she wasnt smiling everyday (what teen girl does?” but I had no idea it was that bad. I walked around nearly in tears, begged my boss to let me off the weekend so I could make the trip back home. That sat, the agent came over and met with us while Camilla was at soccer. It was awkward and basicly she was unhappy with me being gone all the time and with the lack of interaction with my wife. I wasnt angry, I could understand where she was coming from. But I told the agent that we are making every effort and its equally hard to interact on our end too if she doesnt open up with us…if she doesnt want to feel just like a guest then quit acting like one. So, after the eye opening meeting, we went to watch her play her soccer game, had lunch, came home and decorated the tree together, went shopping..and had a really cool day. Then we had the meeting with the agent that night with all of us. Camilla looks me right in the eye and tells me that its alot better when I was home. I was kinda suprised since most teens I know (myself included back in the day) couldnt wait to get out of the house on the weekends. We had a long talk, I told her she has to speak her mind to us and that all we do is for her..so help us out. It felt alot better afterwards, and eventhough I am still paranoid while Im away. I always tell me wife to tell her “Hi” for me when I call and I am home every single weekend and we always do “something”. Her and my wife are connecting alot better now and she tells me they chat and watch tv together nearly every night. When last I was home, Camilla came down stairs and asked where Stephanie was. I said she was in her office and she walked up and asked to stay home from school. It put a big smile on my face becasue she used to just ask me before. So, its having its ups and downs…and weve still 5 months to go. We love her very much and I hope beyond hope she will stay close to us like I read on some of these other posts. But I gotta say, I’ll have to think long and hard about getting another. There is alot of heartache involved and we get “attached” easy….
I also wanted to thank everyone who posted here..Ive been pouring over the posts these last few days and its really given me alot of insight on our exchange student and her “moods”....
This is towards Jane,, Wow! I must say I am dissapointed to hear your comments. I have worked with a couple of programs now, and with each there is a profile. In each profile it tells you their religion, and if they would be willing to be active in yours. It tells you what they enjoy doing etc. They also tell you if they will be going to public or private school. This is all before you pick the student. Every program I have been involved with requires you to feed them breakfast and dinner and provide items for lunch if they choose not to eat a hot lunch at school. If you as a family choose to go out to lunch then in my eyes you should pay for the exchange student who is part of your family. By asking her to pay for herself you are making her a tenent. She/he came to live with you as part of your family. If she is not going to church with you then just go to lunch afterwards and then come home if it is that big of an issue for you to pay for her. As you are already a parent you know that each child adds on a financial commitment, it is the same when you bring an exchange student into your house, you are bringing in a new daughter or son. I can honestly say that I have had a horrid experience before, and wow I feel sorry for your exchange student. I am sure she is spending time in her room wondering what she got herself into. These students come here hoping to be a part of a family, not to be a tenent in your house. Reach out to her. Make her a part of your family, if you decide to host again make sure you read everything about that student. If she is the one wanting to take piano lessons and such explain to her that is an extra item and she will need to pay for that. Our exchange daughter last year took dance and she had to pay for her lessons and she was fine with it. But whenever we went somewhere as a family we always paid for her. She was part of our family and still is. You have to be open and talk to her, use your exchange student agent as a go between if you need. Communication is KEY!!!
This is for Jason, I am so glad that you are all communicating now! I am glad Camilla took the step to talk to her agent to help. So many just stay miserable adn then everyone is miserable. You are doing amazing things for her! And I am so glad your wife and her are doing better. It is always hard when you have different personalities in a house. I am sure as the year progresses you will all get closer and closer. Yes it does take a lot and it is hard when you get attached. We hosted last year and took this year off and are so excited to host again next year. Currently our “daughter” from last year is in the kitchen making a gingerbread house with my other kids. She came back to college about 3 hours from here and came home as she says for Christmas. She even calls me Mom Stephanie. There will be rough patches but there are with all kids, be they by blood or not. Kids are kids and adults are adults. Communication is deffinatly key. I hope that things continue to look up for you all!I would love to hear how things go throughout the rest of her visit!!! She is very lucky to have a host family who is so willing to try and make things work!!!
Thanks Stephanie..I feel better..and we are planning a big Christmas…I’ll be home in a few days for a few weeks and I hope to spend alot of time with her…I’ll certainly keep ya posted!..and I pray we will have a kind of closeness you know have with your “daughter”!
Jason, No problem..Sounds like you will all have a great time! I am sure you will have the same closeness!! It is a wonderful thing! I am curious to see how it works next year when we host again. HAHA As our Sera will still come home for Christmas. It will be fun I am sure. Our first hosting experience was a true nightmare and ended with us sending the girl to our coordinator until they could place her elsewhere.you can read about that post here under number 21. I also talk about our good experience. Good luck and Merry Christmas!!!!!
When you host, you pay when the family goes out to eat. That’s part of making the student a part of the family! We also paid when we went to the zoo or a museum or whatever… again, they’re a part of the family, and if you wouldn’t ask your own 16-year-old to pay for a family outing, then you should not expect your student to pay for it either. There are a few exceptions… if you went to DisneyWorld, you could arrange it with your student’s parents first to have them cover the entry fee, and if you fly somewhere, the student could pay for his/her ticket. But for dinner out? I’m sorry, but that’s just petty. If you can’t afford to take the whole family, including the exchange student, then don’t go at all, or pick a less expensive restaurant.
Our second student, who I love like my own child, just booked her ticket to fly “home” (as she calls it) for a few weeks this spring. I’m so excited!! :D
This year, we were hosting our 7th and 8th exchange students. Sometimes we hosted one and sometimes two at a time. I have been horrified by this year’s students. One left after 2 months, leaving us with $12,000 in medical bills. You HAVE to sign the forms for them at a doctor’s office as they are minors. I would really think about doing it again. The student who did this was “faking” medical problems as she like the attention she got from her HOME and from our home. It was horrible. The last 3 days she was here all we heard was screaming on the phone in her native language. Very very uncomfortable for our whole family. She would not participate in family things. Sure, she would eat when we went out to eat. Then would make fun of Americans for what we ate, etc. She would come to the table to play games, etc and then refuse to be a part of the games. She would go shopping with you but would stand just inside a store and talk about how “cheap” it was. She talked about how fat all Americans were, including the Victoria’s Secret catalog models. But, she left and we celebrated the peace and quiet and talked about how sad it was that she didn’t allow herself to become a part of the family and take part in the experience she supposedly had come for. Here we are just a few days before Christmas. Our second student is leaving early too, right after Christmas. She confided to the school counselor that she was suicidal, that she had been for many years. Her family back home was aware and didn’t take her to a doc until just before she was to come to the US. Low and behold, the doc there put her on birth control pills for depression!>!>!>! Three weeks before she came and her parents sent her to us this way. Nothing in the paperwork had prepared us for the anger and resentment that this childlike girl had. She finally got over most of the anger issues. But to this day will argue with anyone about our horrible country and why her’s is better and we just don’t know her way or we would understand. I have enjoyed most of the kids we hosted. We had one removed for continually destroying our property as she had no respect for our things. But the exchange program idea is wonderful. The problem lies in the fact that the organizations are businesses. The problems some of the kids have are hidden from host families. They don’t want us to know this or that. They tend to all claim they are into sports because they are told we as Americans are. The kids from Europe we have hosted (4) have all though US kids were totally immature as they relied on cars, etc. while they had public transportation. Didn’t make sense to me, but oh well. The bottom line is they send kids who’s parents can pay the $10-$15,000 a year it costs. You might have a great kid and you might not. I am done after this year. We just can’t handle any more of the this after this last 4 months. And that’s really sad, as we have some great “holt kids” who list we stay in contact with all over the world. I’ve seen horrid ones and I’ve seen wonderful ones, as teens are everywhere. But I’m done putting our life in the mixer for kids who shouldn’t be here at all. Yes, some host families are bad, but you have large numbers of kids coming today who are only here cause their parents could pay for them to be here. Many feel we “owe” them as their parents put out a lot of money. HOST families don’t get paid. Period.
Most of all remember to be considerate of the host family! I found this out the hard way and was extremely inconsiderate and treated my roommate ad though he was the maid. He hated me and the other Korean that was in the room.
My family hosted a girl from France this year. At first things were great. We shared a room, we’d stay up late and gossip, and we got along great. When school began she would only talk to me. That was fine for the first two weeks, but then she never got out and made new friends. She’d come home, sleep all the time, and when she was awake, stay on the computer with her friends back home. She would not be a part of America. She ran up huge phone bills since she called her parents every other day. She’d eat all of our snacks that we used for our lunches that we brought to school, even though my mother had food in the fridge. She never picked up after herself and was always leaving her stuff all around the house. She refused to help out around the house, and missed out on alot of family events because she calimed she was tired. We’d come home to find her on Facebook. She never said thank you, and left my room a mess. She had garbage all over the floor, and she took every last pair of my socks. She left food and dirty dishes under the bed, and left a sandwich in a duffel bag in the closet. It turned black and reeked so badly that I couldn’t even open my door without wanting to puke. At night, I’d go into my room to go to bed and trip over her suitcases that she left all over the floor of my room, despite the fact that I had cleared a place for them in my closet. She’d then sit up and begin SHHHHHHing me because I made noise. She wouldn’t talk to me and then would tell my mother that I was being mean to her. She was unappreciative for everything that I did for her. We let her stay with us for an etra few weeks until they found a new house, and even gave her a great Christmas. She left half of her gifts here in the garbage pile. When she left, she hid my cell phone, didn’t say thank you, tried to steal my sneakers, and didn’t even say good bye. I’d host again, but I hope to get a fun, happy, friendly echange student.
she’d listen in on private phone conversations without asking and tried to be sneaky about it. She also left my room a mess when she moved and didn’t make the bed or pick up her garbage. :(
I hate my parasites. I agreed to do it simply because it would get a little more money in the family bank (you know bad economy these days) and no amount of money made it worth it. I had agreed to take one initially but the exchange program told us that the other one would be “no trouble” and that both of them were “hard workers”. After a week I realized that they had lied and I was stuck with it. They stayed up every night until 2am (my family has a curfew of 12) and then get up at 5 am and let their hidden alarms go off until they were done checking their emails and texts. They left their clothes on my bed (the one thing that I requested to be still mine) and would masturbate into the sink. They left the mess there and would urinate on the floor and in the shower. They would leave soda cans everywhere and left toothpaste in the sink. I asked them and even told them that they needed to clean up after themselves, but it never happened unless my stuff was left on the desk. Then the cleaned it from the desk onto the floor. They ate all our snacks and messed with my iPod and computer. I had literally no privacy and they used my speakers without asking in order to play their stupid k-pop music. Because I got so little sleep at night, my grades fell and I slowly began getting behind on my grades. I got blamed for things that they did or didn’t do. Oh, by the way, they were 16 and 18. They ruined family traditions around Christmas time by bringing computers around and never fully participating. I made every attempt to befriend them but they were simply jerks and didn’t want to make friends. IF YOU ARE CONSIDERING TAKING EXCHANGE STUDENTS, PLEASE, CONSIDER WHAT EFFECT IT WILL HAVE ON YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU! It was not a good experience and I’m still finding dried Korean food in my room.
Man I hate the exchange students we got. We took them to the mall at least three times a week so they could get new clothes and the left pubic hair everywhere. They would constantly play their music but when I would have mine up just a little too loud over the headphones they would yell at me and go tell my parents that I was mean. For some reason, my parents would believe them and they would ground me. They got here in September and they get very little sleep, this allowing me to get very little. I have school and a job and I’m in drivers ed and I’m taking a few college credit courses. I am so kind to them and tell them about our culture and ask them about theirs. I’ve tried not talking to them and I’ve tried everything I can think of, but they don’t change. They eat all my food that I buy before I can get hardly any and the use all my soap and shampoo as well and use my toothbrush. They get up and call their families in the middle of the night and will randomly yell whenever they feel like it. I am a customizer (I paint and modify action figures) and I’m not the greatest, and I put my finished/almost finished projects on my shelf and they have ruined almost every one of them. They take naps while I’m at work in my bed because the sheets are clean in mine. They eat food in my bed as well as leave books and trash all over it. If I had to make the choice again I would never host again. I wasn’t allowed to make noise if they were sleeping, but if I was sleeping then they were free to listen to anything they wanted as loud as they wanted. I saw it on the forum already once that they would masturbate into the sink and leave the mess there. Same here, only to a slightly larger extent. It would be on the wall and the shelves as well and the toilet seat. They rarely did their homework and they would blame that it wasn’t done on the fact that I was too loud. I am a very quiet person. I hardly made any noise when they were “doing homework”. I wasn’t aware Facebook allowed you to do homework on a status update!
In my opinion, you shouldn’t take an exchange student until you meet them in person. Oh it was a miserable experience, I don’t recommend it.
this is for Stephanie B., Christmass was good!..Camilla was showered with gifts from both sides of the family and I was able to take her to a few Christmass parties. She seems much happier and I am hoping we are over “the hump” so to speak. She didnt have plans for New Years with her friends so she came with us to our usual party. It was very tame compared to what she was used too so I imagine she was kinda bored but I was able to introduce her to a friend of the family who was from Denmark..they chatted in there own language and she really seemed to enjoy that. Her 18th b-day is coming up soon, I am trying to plan something for her eventhough I am still working out of town. I want it to be fun, and I want her to spend some fun time with her new friends here..I’ll let ya know how it goes..I hope yall had a Merry Christmass!!..thanks!
This is for Jason… I am so glad to hear this! WOW! That is great!!!We had a good Christmas with Huong, our student from last year. We went and picked her up from college. It was great to have her home, and while she is used to a much bigger New years she said she actually enjoyed the more intiment family and a few friends setting we have. I am sure you will plan something amazing for her bday. Is your wife helping??? I hope so, it would be good for her and I know it will help her and Camilla bond more! For Huong’s 18th I suprised her by getting a few recipes from her mom and sister of her favorite foods from Viet Nam. I slaved all day in the kitchen and when she came home from school she was so suprised to see all I had done! We had a family party on her birthday and then that weekend she had a party with all of her new friends. I gave them run of the house, she made them food from Viet Nam and I made a chocolate cake(She loves chocolate). They had so much fun! I thought my house was going to fall apart, but it was worth it… Let me know how it goes!!!! Happy New Year!
this is for the last few posts about exchange students. I am a tad confused as some of you post that you are a child in the home and your parents brought in the students, but then you type as if you are the parents at the begining and end. Such as Ben who at first I thought was a parent but then it sounds as if you are sharing a rooom with the student so that is not right… Also, if you are getting paid to host, I would look into other programs. That seems odd to me. i have not heard of any legitmate programs that pay you to host a student. I could be wrong but my research has not shown me any. Make sure you research the companies. You can type their name into a search and find all sorts of information on them from people who have used them and are not paid by them to make them sound good. If you are having problems contact your local rep. If they wont help go to the head office. We had a horrid experience, and had to go clear to the top to get her removed from our home. We did more research and found all kinds of bad stuff on that company. Lesson learned. I did more research and last year we had an amazing experience. Good luck! I truly hope this horrid posts of bad experiences that haev been posted lately are real. It would be sad to have people getting scared to host because of a fake story… Always remember there will be good and bad experiences. That is the way life is. It is how you handle the challenges that come your way that will shape how it ends.
@ Stephanie Bedard
I am a child in the home, but I drive them places and they are my roommates. I am sorry for saying I hated them, when I posted that I had just had a disagreement with one of them, but what I am trying to give is the perspective of the child who had to stay in the room and put up with their shenanigans all of the time. That little bit at the end of your comment was very encouraging, thank you for that.
Ben, I am sorry if my post came across as rude. I was just confused.. The way the last few posts have been they seemed from a parents perspective. I am truly sorry that you are going through this. Do you have the contact information for the local rep? If so I would suggest that you contact them. If your family is not helping maybe they can help you.. I truly hope things get better for you… And I do promise not all exchange students are this way. Good luck!
@Stephanie Bedard
Oh, I didn’t mean to sound like I was accusing you of being rude, if it sounded like that I apologize.
Stephanie - you are mistaken when you state that there are not legitimate programs that pay host families. I don’t know where you live but in Colorado there is a language school that operates out of a community college and their students who wish to live with a family pay a “home stay fee”. A friend in Wisconsin has a student from a similar organization and they are paid a host home fee as well. Our 6th student leaves tomorrow for his new adventure - he was accepted to the Colorado School of Mines. Some of our students we have enjoyed and come to love and we are still in contact with; others have been a nightmare. In reading the posts, the experiences of the paid and non-paid families seem essentially the same.
To Julie, if you will reread my post I quoted it here… “Also, if you are getting paid to host, I would look into other programs. That seems odd to me. i have not heard of any legitmate programs that pay you to host a student. I could be wrong but my research has not shown me any”
I clearly stated that I could be wrong, but That I had not heard of any… I am also reffering to organizations with “Foreign” Exchange students not College students from other countries. As when I look at the topics and sub topics listed that is what they are refering to in my eyes. yes there are College Home Stay programs, our Exchange student from last year is in that as well. She tells me it is not like being an exchange student however, it is like renting a place. She pays rent, and if she wishes to keep staying there the next school year,or over christmas and spring breaks she has to pay to keep her stuff there over the summer. I guess to me, when I think of a “Host Parent” I think of hosting as giving. But that is me, and I am fully aware that other people have different views and that is great I do know that there are many rules with the college home stay programs, many more so than with exchange students in high school. She filled out many more papers on rules and expectations than when she was in high school and an exchange student. Such so that if these are “home stay” students then they would have been sent home. From what I have seen there is no lieniency (sp?) with those programs as there is always a huge waiting list from what I have been told from dealing with the programs here in Washington.
I really want to be an exchange student to America or Canada. I love travelling and new places. I live in New Zealand. My main issue is that I think that I might be too shy to be accepted for the exchange. I mean, I am friendly and talkative, but i’m bad at public speaking and can be quiet when I first meet people. Of course, if I was on an exchange I would make a good effort to talk to everyone and stuff, but i worry that it might affect the application process. Also, I don’t really have any real hobbies to put on my application. I don’t really do music or any organised sports. Do you think I’d still be a good candidate for an exchange?
We had a student last year and it was very tough on the whole family. She lied on her profile and said she was easygoing. She was not. She said she ate anything. She demanded certain foods. She was mean to my daughter and bossed my son around. She put down Americans and said we were fat and lazy. She thought we owed her everything since her parents paid for her to come over to America. She lied to us about taking a trip and she hated rules and regulations. She was like a boarder. We would never host again, unfortunately. This one experience ruined it for us. She was very self-centered. Be sure you check out who you’re getting. They do a thorough check of the host families; not so sure they fully check out the host students.
Also, I would make sure that you set the rules from the beginning. We treated our student like a guest and let her do anything she wanted. It got to the point where she took over the televisions, took over the bathroom, etc. She would eat the last of anything in the house and not worry if there was enough for someone else. It’s best to start out by laying down your houserules from the beginnning.
Wow. I’ve just signed up to be a host family. I have two teenage sons and am considering hosting a German boy who is my younger son’s age and shares his interests. I must admit that my excitement has been dampened considerably by many of these posts. I plan to do everything I can to treat this student as one of the family, so I hope he has a good experience.
@Stephanie…Hey, I just thought I would give you a update with Camilla..unfortunately, she will be leaving for a new host family later this week. It started when she turned 18 this past friday. I was at my apartment (away in New Orleans) when I was browsing through all her “Happy birthday” wishes..things had seemed to be going well these last weeks and my wife has been giving me glowing reports almost nightly..But as I was scrolling..I came acroass a post where one of her friends back home had asked why she hadnt updated her blog in so long. She replied that it was because she was trying to move and that she didnt want her host parents to find out from her blog. Of course I was stunned and I was unsure what to do or how to break it to my wife. We had planned a suprise b-day gathering with all her friends. I didnt want to crush my wife nor ruin Camilla’s only 18th birthday. I tossed and turned all night and decided when I came home for the weekend that I had to confront her. I told wife the night I arrived..she was devestated..and we were both kinda angry and felt foolish for going through all we had for her for what seemed like for nothing. I called her agent and we set up a meeting with her for the next evening. It was a tense few hours the next night while we waited. Finally she arrived, she had paperwork with Camilla’s “complaint” form. We went over it and all signed it..however we were told that her leaving was our choice since we had done nothing the agent could find wrong. We began discussing the problems she was having and the tears began to flow. She had some harsh things to say about Stephanie we all thought was unfair and unwarrented. My wife was livid and I knew at that point there was no salvaging the situation. We signed her release forms (she had been planning this for weeks without us knowing and has already located another family on her own). It was heartbreakibng and my wife is hurting alot because of the absurd things Camilla said about her..Also, she cant leave our house till the new host family is cleared with the exchange agency. So, you can imagine how uncomfortable it is and will be for next week untill she is free to go. Our feelings are really hurt, and we tried really hard to make it work with her. We realize we made mistakes mostly from our lack of experience with teens. With that being said, we dont have any animosity towards Camilla and we wish her the best of luck. I also dont want to discourage anybody reading this from hosting..but I have some advice..1. Give them chores, make then feel they are a part of the function of the house 2. Give them restrictions..curphews etc..dont treat then like a guest..let them know you care enough to give them limits. 3. Most importantly..talk to them..about anything and everything…there going to feel weird for awhile and you have to get them (and yourselves) over that….we failed in alot of those areas..but we learned alot and I am a better man for having her the five months we did..I dont think we will host again for awhile if ever..but I cant say i regret it..even the way it ended for us..goodluck
i am a white male 14 turning 15 in October and i would like to study in america for a year i am from south Africa i love rap/hip hop and im also really into computer i would like to become a rapper or a c++ game designer (im still deciding) if anyone can host i can either go to a school or home-school( I AM CURRENTLY BEING HOME SCHOOLED) my email is tj.stewart@live.co.za
Tyler- Fill out the application on the CIEE website so we can view your full profile.
| 31 Jul - | [BIG NEWS] Re-make of ExchangeStudentWorld |
| 01 Oct - | Main difference between Europe and USA |
| 22 Sep - | I hate waiting…but not always |
| 14 Jun - | The 2010 World Cup winner will be… |
| 13 Jun - | Back in Sweden after 6 month in paradise |
will my host family speak my language or not?